Divorce

What

The fuck

Am I doing in this basement

Mom

Won’t talk

Cause she thinks dad’s her replacement

Logic

Won’t help me

Rationale’s gone to the wayside

I’m 20 plus 2 years old and everyone I know is wasting

My time

No that’s a lie

In fact

I’m the one whose taken up the time you won’t get back

I was born

Out of love

Now the ones who bore me love to hate each other

Mom hates dad and dad hates mother

I’m their product we share blood her

Cheeks are mine his teeth are my teeth

When you see me

Am I the human manifestation of half of what you hate

A fleshy reminder that it’s too late

To bend backwards in time

And change your life?

I didn’t ask to be born

Or for you to be his wife

Man

I didn’t ask for this life.

Divorce

The force

That takes dad away from mother

Confuses sister and her brother

Who’s that other lady daddy’s hanging with?

All my life I knew love

As the pact of holy matrimony

Making two into one

Into family

The opposite of lonely.

All my life 1 plus 1 equaled 1

Now I see that shit don’t add up

But back then a picture of daddy on the padio

Kissing a lady I didn’t know

Then watching my mom at home

Melt away like the winter snow

Didn’t add up either.

I tried to scoop my puddled mother back into a snowman

But she turned to ice instead.

Frosted with pain and hatred and longing and dread.

Wishing the new lady kissing daddy was dead.

I didn’t come into this world with hate

I was taught how to hate

And I practiced on her

The lady. Step… Lady.

Now my nerves spike

When I see anyone mother like

Strong females frighten me

But they’re all that I want to be

I hate what I want to be!

I was taught how to hate

And now I practice on myself.

I was too young

To understand that shit

Aren’t mothers and fathers

Suppose to teach their small daughters

Every teaching and lesson

Every sermon and blessin’

Now you’ve handed me my family tree

Lit up the branches and the leaves

scorched what I thought family means

and left me to fend for myself

in a fucking society that teaches women

family should be her only dream.

Guess I’ll learn on my own

Daddy’s kicked out the home

Mommy’s breaking her bones

Guess I’ll learn on my own.

Now I’m older

Yes,

20 plus 3

Sitting in my basement still, broken family.

I’m still figuring out this shit

10 years of thinking

about the same FUCKING SHIT

What’s that thing? That, definition of insanity?

Doing something over and over,

expecting the same result

Yeah that must beeeeeee

it.

Am I insane?

should I be insane by now?

Because for 10 fucking years I’ve been asking how hoW HOW?

Expecting an answer.

Any answer.

And so far

None

Maybe this poem will help me get an answer

Because as of maybe 2 seconds

This poem is done.